Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize