i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
