His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
