i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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