Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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