His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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