I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
