Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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