Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have aggressive nipples.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
