oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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