Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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