the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
