i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
