Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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