I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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