Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
