so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
