sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
