You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
