so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
