I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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