I need help removing her.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
