so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
