Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
