I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
