I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
