when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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