Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
