It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
