at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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