before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
