you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
