i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
