I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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