If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
