her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
