We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
