After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
