he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
