I showed him my bush... on skype.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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