What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
