I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
