If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
