Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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