Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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