i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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