Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
