WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
