Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
