That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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