i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
