i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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