I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
