he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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