I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
