So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
