i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
