Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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