Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
