when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
