Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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