I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
