Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
