If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
