when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
