Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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