I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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