Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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