he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
