I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
