Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
