I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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