When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
