Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
