she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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