There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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